[Restaurant - Chinese] OBNomnoms Revisited; Oriental Brasserie of Chiswick

Location - Chiswick, London [UK]

Yes, a sequel, but unlike the plethora of imagination failures hitting the cinemas this year, this sequel has meaning, purpose, FLAVOUR. Well, ok, the first two descriptions are not strictly required, no reason is needed to go to Oriental Brasserie, and the third is an obvious conclusion. Come to think of it, this is turning out to be similar in scope to the sequel of the film variety ^_^.

As mentioned in a previous post, a plan was hatched to culminate a day of wretched excess spent gorging myself to the hilt at the Hyper Japan exposition. What better way to cap of said day than with a delectable and most importantly, sensibly priced meal at Oriental Brasserie. The fact that it was only located 3 miles away was not even temptation - it was fate. And so, despite still having wagashi attempting to escape through my various orifices, I hastily made way towards Chiswick, figuring that if I did explode, it could only be for the better as at least the calories would be scattered in a blast radius around me, rather than adding to my flanks. Arrived, looking a bit like a hobo from a full day of exercising my jaw at a warm exposition filled with Pokemon-dressed beings, I was shown to my lone table. Whilst previously a friend was supposed to join me, he remorselessly abandoned me, leaving even more OBNoms for just me, which was a blessing. Feeling like a Tupac song, all eyes were on me. Or rather, diverted from this loner. Good, I don't need distractions when attempting to eat with my face. Seeing as I had just spent the day eating foods I had never experienced, or been able to pronounce, I figured it would only be correct to follow suit here, not that I had built up a standard order in all my previous one visits.


~ Starter ~
- Almond & Wheat Flakes Soft Shell Crab

My first ever encounter with crab. Well, on a plate. Dirty Philistine. It almost looked too pretty to devour, and at first I struggled to comprehend how to eat it - do I eat it, legs and all?! Pfft, no time to think, just eat. My word. Why have I been denying myself of this for so long? Despite being deep-fried [and thus awesome], a delicate sweetness was still prevalent in the meat of the crab, which combined exquisitely with the mountain - quite seriously, a topographical peak - of roasted almond flakes, which in of themselves were disgustingly addictive. They were everywhere and just as roasted almonds always do, tasted of earthy fabulousness. I had to leave some out just not to overconsume - I am only a human, and not a Power Station. It is a harsh realisation at times.


Supplemented with some Chilli Oil, which unlike most places actually has a nice but gentle kick, this was a delinquently delicious dish. Yes, delinquent. It just teased you with half of the crab provided. I need this done with an Alaskan King Crab.

~ Main Course ~
- Pumpkin Mussels Curry

Struggling to find anything of much divergence to the norm of stir-fries, I finally opted for another creature from the sea I had never sampled, again lambasting it for its shell-habitat and thus belonging to a beach or on jewellery. I had wished to stray away from ordering rice, as I had already eaten a container-sized Onigiri earlier on in the day, but the waiter was annoyingly insistent. Meh. Why stop at eating simply a container-sized morsel.

I was presented with a basin of a watery curry piled with mussels. If I did not like mussels, this was going to be a test of fortitude. First, taste the curry. It was coconut-based, therefore, my best friend for ever. Quite watery, perhaps it was meant as such but it did not bother me, I could have avoided the rice and just drank it as a soup. At first the mussels had perplexed me, having not the slightest of clues of how to consume this necklace charm, though I soon manned up, removed it from the shell and noted the peculiar peg and hole structure of the meat and, into my mouth. Hmm. Not terrible, especially considering what it looks like. Not the grandest of fans of the similar to clam [but much less salty] flavour, but really worked nicely with the pumpkin chunks and the coconut curry ambrosia. No doubt a food I won't order too many more times though, unless struggling for originality. And despite there being a similarly Himalayan-sized serving of mussels in the plate, I had yet to arrive to the lost city of Vegetablantis underneath. 


Is it odd to find completely memorable vegetables in such a full flavoured dish like a curry?! Despite being in a stew, the broccoli, water chestnut, bell peppers and company were all exquisitely crunchy, and amazingly flavourful. HOW?! Any attempts at moderation were thwarted by the vegetables, which included the subtly sweet yet hearty pumpkin chunks, leaving only a little of the curry soup left over. Only a bit of rice was eaten with some of the soup just to add some varying texture. The noises emanating from me seemed to trouble the surrounding tables of kids and couples, but I don't care. They knew the score as well.


~ Dessert ~
- Deep-fried Ice-Cream

Having already had the Lotus Seed Awesome on the menu on my last visit, and wishing for something a bit more complicated than fruit fritters, I pined for the aforementioned. A master of spontaneity, I know. It arrived, and I was misled. This is a deep-fried brick. Awesome.

Despite its intimidating size, it was devoured in short order. It was difficult to stop. I ate containers and part of a house today, one for the records. Despite being deep-fried as well, it was not overly greasy or cloying or all things nice. It was just a nice creamy ice-cream brick with a nice crunch and richness from the batter, the mint sauce providing a subtle cutting freshness through all this decadence. It wasn't as mesmerising and trance-inducing as the Lotus Seed Pancake, but again, nothing was left. Though, that is hardly surprising for me these days..




~ Drinks ~
- Espresso

Quite poor, but that is to be expected - not generally been to a Chinese restaurant where it has excelled >_>. Watered down, coming from a tiny espresso machine on the bar counter, but at least it was served in the correctly sized glass. I just wish it had enough caffeine to at least start troubling the entire UNICEF shipment of rations consumed today.

~~~~

And so culminated a day of disgusting, wretched, yet delicious excess. Not really much has to be added onto the description of Oriental Brasserie that hasn't been mentioned in my first post - it still remains epic, and my favourite Chinese restaurant, evar. Everything from the presentation to the execution of the food speaks volumes - despite the frying, purported heaviness of ingredients and cooking styles, they always seem to marry a lightness of touch with a delicate richness of the food. Essentially an oxymoron to the Chinatown brand of Asian cuisine. Nothing is synthetic in flavour, all ingredients tasting natural and free of MSGood.

That I experienced the same sort of delectable noms with deliberately different choices from my norm of ordering just added to the satisfaction, and just pushes me further and further into a need to try more. MOAR diversity. Granted, I had eaten enough to power a bustling Metropolis for a week in this most disgusting of indulgent days, but a delightful way to cap it off ^_^. 

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[Event - Exposition] Celebration of Guilt. And Awkward People. Domo Henjin..

More telling than the intact items seen above, is the carnage at the forefront - a mere indication of the havoc I wreaked this past Friday. Delicious, indulgent, havoc. The items not yet consumed in fury are simply there as a toast to that destruction. So, Kanpai!

The event in question was one I was particularly looking forward to as it would enable me to engage in an activity I do so enjoy. Noms. Many, many Noms. Profuse amounts of piggy noms.

Oh, I guess to explore and further demystify the gastronomic culture of a country of interest would be a welcome benefit as well. Mostly the calorific destruction though. Regardless of which, I would not venture beyond the Food Court and stalls. Ever. Until complete saturation.

~ The Build-up ~

Despite the impulsive, reckless nature of such, it was actually minutely planned, down to the timings. Planned gorging is happy gorging! I was informed of this event more than a month ago, which immediately intrigued me, as previously mentioned, being an exposition centred around a country of particular interest/decidedly obfuscated in its culture to me, and most importantly, being rather cheap, it had its appeal. Then I scoured through the exhibitors list. Rigorously in the "Cuisine" Section of course. DONE. I'm there. And so it became. The unveiling of this event unto me also started me on another road to obsession, of which I have posted about previously. So essentially, my needs would be quenched twofold. And it needed planning. If I wished not to overdose on epic.

The more I viewed through the exhibitor websites, the harder I had to stop myself from eating them. I don't know what loads of 1's and 0's would taste like, with sprinkling of plastic and electronics, but they were quite the temptation. Bite marks abound on my laptop. On the release of the guide, the plan was consolidated. Ready, to devour. Everything. And so, with traffic bolstering the hunger/anticipation, entered into the hall. Money drawn out. Straight. To noms! It did not phase me that I was surrounded by a sea of eccentricity peculiarly dressed freaks, rather expected actually, though my decision to wear a jumper was questionable. Sure, it was large so would allow space to expand, but all these Spandex wearing individuals created much friction burn-related heat. Who cares, FOOD!

~ Lunch! ~

Straight to a stall, and straight to the order. Of two items which I obviously underestimated in size. And price. Jeebus, £11 for some fried balls and an omelette. Not that I cared as soon as said ball entered mouth [teehee]. Despite being of the frozen variety, it was. Awesome. So much so, that the 3 minutes I had to wait for the second course lasted ad eternum. And then it arrived. And, I bit into it. Wow. This actually contains the world. Epic. And fitting, considering that loosely translated the name of the dish means "A plate of everything". An omelette that seemingly contained the majority of food groups, was not particularly healthy, by wholly delectable. It was difficult to pace myself, but I figured I should slow down once I inhaled the fork.

Obviously the arena of this omelette destruction was a matter of destiny, as on its consumption, I caught eye of a revered snack food of the country, not decidedly interesting, but obviously, it returned the stare, thus, it needed to be eaten. Thwarted momentarily by the packaging, it was swiftly consumed in all its ricey entirety, but not particularly as expected. Still. Rice, good. Done. And with the savoury part done, it was time for dessert. As there's always time/space/reasoning for existence, for desserts. Which were essentially, my draw to the wilful gastrointestinal torture. I paced myself, settling for now to have just a couple of macaroons, an item I've largely lambasted as being. Well. I don't know what they are, Doll-house burgers? Or I did until I devoured them. Oh my holy Jeebus. What did I just start. How can toy food be so sinfully good?! Yes, SINFULLY. The noises I emitted could only be blasphemous! If I am sounding of monotonous praise, then you obviously have no idea just delectable everything was, though, the primary act of eating usually evokes a largely similar reaction out of me on its own. I'm a glutton. But certainly not for punishment ^_^.

~ Post-Lunch Lull ~

At which point, I figured. Lunch, is now done. I need some digestive aids for the monstrous deliciousness festering in my stomach. So, Sake it is. First though, a slightly healthier alternative - ooh, Macha Chiller. Green Tea. It will dissolve everything in its path, and hopefully not my stomach along with it. Wait, what did I order. ARGH. Dairy! And now I'm bloated. And a poof. It was lovely though. What I had not planned though is what to do in the resulting three hour emptiness before my next scheduled Self-aimed Humanitarian Effort. A quick scan found not much beyond the hoards of weird, and uninteresting stalls of items no real appeal. Seeing as they were not edible. Sake it is.

Onto the first stand, pompous sounding sleazy-eyed fellow, £2 for 3 thimbles of sake, none of which impressed, and he struggled to answer questions by dint of not hearing over his own ego. And they did not have the sake I had wished to purchase from them. NEXT. Some requisite water for a defiance of falling out of sobriety and Yakult for a hope of voiding my intestines for my afternoon snack. As planned. Though obviously the sake would help in that respect. Blatantly.

And then, boredom. More time to burn. On not eating. Which makes such a delay even more infernal.

Finding limited pleasure in circling the unwitting victims of my forthcoming dessert gorging of epic proportions for the 13th time, I then decided it would be an ideal opportunity to start chatting up/forewarning the prospective vendors, letting them know how I had stalked them in the weeks leading to the exposition. I would also later apologise for the drool I had relinquished on their products. First up, the Macaroon stand. I had never really ever sampled macaroons before as I always figured its not nice to steal food away from Barbie & Ken. They just always looked, kitschy. These, as I told the vendor, were truly delectable. Ofcourse she knew. Not really a tradition or very traditional to the Country of honour of the exposition, but some influences were abound. After indicating my return in the near future, and sensing the fear in her eyes, onto my next victim.

Having previously lured me into a dastardly latte' - the heathens - all was forgiven as this was a vendor I had already lined up to buy their entire current stock of inventory at some point in the near future. Which I announced. In a vain attempt for a well deserved discount for my gluttony, or so I had hoped. To no avail. Holding instant appeal to me though is that this store was actually run by, and attended by, one of the daughters of the original creator of the Store. So. Authentic. Sweets. Hunger Building. GRARGH sayeth stomach of mine. Proceeding to leave before I reduced the daughters to just the one remaining, onto the final of my next feeding holes, but not before issuing a purchase at another stall for a rather quirky item. Rather misleading in name, but all the more amusing for it, it just had to be bought. Despite being just a bun. It needed to be in my tummy. Which it will be in the future. Not now. And next door to aforementioned feeding hole before I did something silly and bought something inedible or some similar ludicrous act.

Again, introduced my intention to devour the stall, mentioned how I had previously asked the company via email with regards to wanting their entire inventory in my stomach, and. Mouth agape. Stare glazed over. Seemingly in a state of vegetative consciousness. Oh yay. Nevermind. I will return. Useless volunteer. So. No food yet. May as well pull out and ready the interview notes I had drafted for an intense Q&A Session with the one vendor that arguably started me on a current all-consuming obsession. Beyond that of typing reams of incoherent ramblings on eating. So I approached the Sake of Stand of hopeful Destiny.

In short - unlike the current status of this post - destiny it was. After locating a vendor naively willing to submit to my questions, he had soon become prisoner to my newbieness. Reams of questions were fired upon the unsuspecting victim, aimed at uncovering new facets and trinkets, as well as most importantly of all, establishing a much needed direction for a novice as myself. Unfortunately on that front I was met with the ubiquitous "you have to try them!" paradox - a paradox?! Yes, where do I start from?!! Bah. All my suggestions and quipped drinks/breweries of note were largely rubbished - mainly for being large, corporate, mainstream sake producers, rather than traditional, artisanal sake crafters, which is essentially what I am chasing. Whilst the interrogation progressed, I noticed a couple of sake samples being offered, possibly in the attempt to slow and slur the incessant emanations from my mouth, but their calorific content only served to fuel that fire, much to his chagrin ^_^. It really is refreshing to meet a vendor willing to inform and educate - albeit during forced detention - rather than merely sell his wares, like the one just a couple of stalls over, whom he also rubbished. In my limited/null experience, I concurred, the sakes being awash with a pervasive alcoholic haze. Time flew by, and I was duly informed that the vendor was tired from "The excruciating torture All the taking", so, I figured I'd give him a bit of respite, as Afternoon Snack destruction was quickly approaching, and proclaimed to return for a couple of purchases soon after, only fair for the state if crushed being I had left him in!

~ Wagashigeddon ~

And so it began. Well, not immediately as still an hour remained. I however got bored with the wait. To hell with it, I'll spread them out over a long amount of time, eat more, obviously. So after stalking the stalls for half an hour, I leaped in for the kill. The Macaroon stands. Deliberation ensued for a good 10 minutes - do I buy just two, or a box of 10. Do I buy some to share later? SHARE?!! BAH! They can buy their own! Actually, no, I have to contend with the fact I only have so many limbs to drop off with the looming glucose overload. That, and the Cafe' is on my route to London. Done. I can shed a leg on the way to London. 5 Macaroons purchased - mine being Asian Melon and Sakura. On to the next stall next door, the fiends that tricked me into that cup of dairy loveliness. Two filled Pancakes acheté, one for later unfortunately, and a promise to return for one of the delectable ice-cream flavours once the others were devoured.

Onto the disappointment that was the comatose-manned Confections stand - not knowing what was what, but obviously sold on everything was previously mentioned, and especially goaded by the delightfully cute packaging, I picked 5 sweets at random. I had initially wanted to ensure that at least some contained fibre but I would only be lying to myself. Fibre is non-sugary carbohydrate, what use is it of here, pfft. And the scene was set. Disgusting amount of granular diabetes at the ready. And.

[Pleasure Coma]

My world. Riding on a high so grand I fear broken legs on the fall, my world has literally turned upside down. As had I. As had I, hanging from the rafters in sugar-induced lunacy. I started with the bean-filled Pancakes, which were just the paramount of delicate - just getting to be a bit sweet, but a delightful earthiness diffused through the light pancake dough. This was followed by the macaroons, which like the post-lunch treat ones were absolutely divine. So. Damn. CREAMY. The only macaroon I had had prior to this day of Epinoms, was seemingly filled with jam, which basically ruined any notion of natural flavouring or decadent creaminess. These just suffused their heart-attack inducing decadent flavour in the most light-hearted of manners. No time for romance, onto those peculiar Confections from the coma girl. The first one was a bit of a particular one - merely a sesame encrusted bean-filled rice-ball, it was absurdly chewy, which just added to it. As much as I like rice, it is generally bland, and any supplementing of its texture only serves to make it a better. As it exercises my jaw. Done. Calories in, Calories out. The next one was largely the same, but this time the bean-filling surrounded a sweetened chestnut, and surrounded by a pastry. Only quick thinking kept my arm from following off from the instant Diabetes hit, it was quite the sweetened confection. Still pleasant, though the pastry was oddly. Gummy? Can pastry even do that? 

Staring into the bag of "Spares", I built up my self-restraint, and instead of devouring them, bags and all, I went over to purchase what would be the dessert to top them all off. Some Golden Chestnut-flavoured Ice-cream. Round a corner I hid, lambasted the lack of proper utensil slowing down my ability for face-ice-cream interfacing, then when I had managed to get a decent mouthful. Groans of pleasure. Which didn't illicit any odd looks in this festival of weird. So I carried on. Creamy but not excessively so, just the right amount of sweetness and a subtle earthiness from the chestnut. They will be responsible for my cetaceanification through ordering their full catalogue. They owe me a discount. 

~ The Remainder ~

With the minutes after the culmination of my atrocious enabling of my sweet tooth seeming like hours, such was the effect of this towering level of awesome on the space-time continuum, I washed it down in some vain hope for digestion, and returned to the sake stand to inflict more verbal torture! Diving as if escaping from a live grenade, I demonstrated my white flag to the vendor and instead proceeded to purchase the aforementioned drinks, before saying my thank you's for letting me emotionally destroy him with my Inquisition. Hey, it got me a discount and some networking, mission accomplished. And onto the Sake Tasting event, to further aid in. Digestion. Obviously.

Primarily though, I wanted to add to my repertoire of around 3. 

And I completely misjudged it. Obviously, at an exposition roaming with and obviously catering to hoards of individuals believing they live in a television, the material of the sake tasting would obviously be aimed towards such. And not to my boundless expertise of 3 whole sakes. Bah. Forty minutes of an terminally infernal announcer, stuttering and unrehearsed host and rather unimpressive sakes - by dint of being aimed at novices, and thus slightly more interesting than water for the first one, and being made of alcohol and death for the second one - flew by like a dead bird. Solace/escape arrived in the form of the arrival of a friend. From thereon in the pace slowed to a crawl - having been at this exposition for around 5 hours now, and more importantly, having been without food for around 2, I was eager to leave. And so we did. Leaving behind a rather impressive gastronomic fallout in my wake. 

So. The official Kill List:

- Cocoro Restaurant: 

• Takoyaki [Deep-fried Octopus Balls]
• Okonomiyaki [Squid & Vegetable Omelette]

Delicious, filling, and all this despite being frozen! Really wish I had some sake to go with this to further elevate what is essentially street food.

~~~

- Natural Natural: 

• Ume Onigiri [Plum-filled Rice Cake with Seaweed Wrapper]

Palm-sized rice-pyramid cake. Rice, Good. Sour plum. Meh.

~~~

- Wagashi/Kitaya:

• Macha Chiller [Green Tea Latte']
• Traditional Dorayaki [Azuki Bean Paste-filled Pancake]
• Golden Chestnut Ice-cream

Epic. Dairy overload awesomeness. The Dorayaki was lightly doughy and lightly sweetened, the Golden Chestnut Ice-cream extremely light, highlighted by the chestnut bits. Bought to savour later in sin:

• Green Tea Mascarpone-filled Dorayaki - Oh my word this was decadent; combine the light texture and subtly doughy aroma of the previous with the rich decadence of mascarpone cheese. Epic. 

~~~

- Cafe' On: 

• Mango Macaroon
• Black Sesame Macaroon
• Sakura Macaroon
• Asian Melon Macaroon

I would figure the sheer number consumed would adequately depict the sweet enlightening diabetes provided by these little Barbie-house morsels. Truly decadent yet delicate in equal measures. Hard to not consume in industrial amounts. No need as the Cafe' is on my route into London anyway, and I purchased some for sharing: 

• Earl Grey Macaroon
• Piña Colada Macaroon
• Some other Macaroon

~~~

- Minamoto Kitchoan: 

• Ohagi Kurogoma [Black Sesame-covered Azuki Bean-filled Glutinous Rice Cake]
• Oribenishiki [Golden Chestnut & Azuki Bean-filled Pastry]

Revelatory, and a foot fell off do to acute diabetes. Nothing can ever go wrong with glutinous rice, but it was amazing just how chewy the rice cake was, and the delightful nutty hint added by the sesame. At this point Azuki bean is really winning me over. The Oribenishiki was slightly less successful but no less enjoyable, only its face imploding sweetness drawing gripe, and the awkward texture of the pastry. Selecting at random, further morsels were selected for future succumbing: 

• Ayashirabe [White Bean-filled Pastry] - Oddly yet delectably creamy and rich, fabulousth!
• Darumasan [Jellied Azuki Bean Sweet] - Moderately sweet, beany
• Oshishi [Azuki Bean Rice Cake] - A softer mochi than the previous, with a lightly sweet sesame filling, graciously diabetes free

~~~

- Akashi-tai Sake:

• Selection of Honjozo, Daiginjo Junmai & Genshu Sakes

Interesting variances aside, overtly alcoholic pervasiveness. Pompous vendor.

~~~

- Hasegawa Saketen:

• Selection of Different Sakes

Purchases for future samplings/enlightenment of divine proportions:

• Katsuyama Koshu Sake [5 Year Aged Sake] - Subtly sweet with I think a caramel nose, really grew on me. When slightly warmer its just even more fragrant, and like suggested works quite well with cheese. Especially so with Duck and Orange Sauce!
• Saika Umeshu - Lovely umeshu, similar to the Hakurei but perhaps with a less diabetes inducing finish. 

~~~

- Sake Tasting by Satomi of Zuma:

• Ginrei Gassan Soft Junmai "Sasaratsuki" Sake
• Niseko "Meisui Kyoguko" Junmaishu Sake

Noob oriented but appealing soft in the mouth, and made of alcohol and death respectively.

~~~

- Japan Centre 

• Meronpan! Melonpan [Melon-shaped Bread Bun]

It's only a bun, but it's a cute bun. Therefore, it needs me to it. At some point ^_^

It was however, the sweetest loaf of bread, EVAR. Which posed an issue as I had only found out only after I had filled it with slices of smoked salmon. Not the worst combination ever, quite the contrary - the saltiness of the fish served to give some respite from the glucose overload. Really, just, very sweet. Quite the opposite of what I was expecting.

~~~

 So. The hell was I?

But ofcourse. And despite the metric ton of glucose and associated sweeteners coursing through my veins and doing their best to turn me into a Notsoteenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, I didn't get that hyper [just hungrier], and as a celebration of Japan. It was rather stark. As a celebration of my guilt though, deliciously achieved.

And whilst going strong on my Tour de Gorge, what better way to top-off the evening than with a delectable dinner.

Where at?

Being only three miles down the road, I would have had to be bound, gagged, and dead - rendering the first two conditions redundant but still valid - not to exploit said opportunity ^_^.

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[Restaurant - Fusion: Mediterranean/Asian] Hyundai Galloper - my Noble Chariot Awaits; Galoupet of Knightsbridge

Location - Knightsbridge, London [UK]

The Hyundai Galloper. A humble, re-badged Isuzu Trooper, an unpretentious vehicle barely worth re-branding many would think. I am struggling to find a link with this and the restaurant of Galoupet, even a tenuous one, not insinuating that the restaurant is a facsimile of any sort. I really couldn't think of better title. Oh dear.

It was that time again. Another week had passed, thus another indulgent meal was required. It is a strenuous living. Whilst Galoupet was one of my choices on my, well, not-so-short list, it was not the first choice of the evening - that was Bocca di Lupo, but serves me right to attempt to book on the evening after having been told at a previous occasion that they are usually booked up to 4 weeks in advance. Hmph. Galoupet it was then! I just remembered the quirky blog leading up to the Restaurants' inauguration. Err. And that is how the decision was set in stone. The menu was interesting, melding different styles and cuisines into some infinitesimally worded dishes, not copious. More than enough to convince me. With George convinced, it was on to get our grub on. Except, we could not find it. Despite driving up and down the road a couple of times searching in vain for a parking spot, so we parked in the next continent along. Which we figured was just as well enough as the short walk would dispel a couple of the malicious calories from the trillions we would inevitably have no restraint in destroying. Walking up and down the road we STILL could not find it. Hunger mounting. Must. Not. Eat. Limbs. Then in a fit of intense cerebral activity, we figured it wise to actually count the Door numbers along the road as we walked. Found.

How odd - if it could be more unassuming it would simply be a gap between its neighbouring restaurants. Stroll in, confirm reservation, appropriately and a fashionable 5 minutes late [de riguer naturally] and, this is a very minimalist place, quite austere. In fact, the forgot to put a restaurant at the front, it's all at the rear. Like a mullet, the party was at the back. A rather small party. And also I was hungry. So, sat down at our couples' table, and consulted the waitress on the cranium troubling menu.

~ Starter ~

- Grilled Watermelon Salad with Mint

- Corn Crusted Aubergine, Green Tomato Chutney & Goat's Curd

- Figs, Fregola, Purple Basil, Orange, Konbu, Hazelnut

- Octopus, Fennel, Kohlrabi, Miso

At this point it should be obvious that I am quite the glutton for gastrointestinal punishment [why must it taste so good and hurt so bad </3], but the starters were not all for me. Though were half for me, so I only had two "whole" portions in the end, splitting them with George. This was on suggestion of the waitress who clamoured they were small "tapas" sized portions, perfect for sharing.

She lied.


They were almost full portions in of themselves. So much so that we were having to eat just to create space on the anaemic table for the remaining starters. And water. And cutlery. So how did they fare? Accordingly:

• Grilled watermelon - Epic, both in isolation and in combination of its ingredients. This really was eye opening, or rather, mouth opening, and a struggle to "share" - it was perplexing how grilling basically water, in fruit form, released so much flavour, combining a delicate sweetness from what I presume was a reduced sauce, with perhaps some mirin with a freshness of the mint. It really was perfect, both in the separate constituents, and when combined as a whole, piggy forkful. 
• Figs & Fregola - My selection determined by my sinful carb- cravings as of late, quite a few ingredients in this one. Separately they were almost all delicious - delectable figs, and the oranges and nuts were lovely, the loner Fregola being a bit bland on its own. Combined, it improved the whole combination, with some welcome sweetness [oh hai!] from the figs, a nice acidity and moar sweetness from the orange [oh hai again!] and a nice crunch from the nuts.
• Aubergine - Some awesomeness obviously needs some balancing, and whilst not an offensive dish, it was rather bland in isolation, much better when everything was combined. The aubergine on its own did not taste of much, the corn breading being underseasoned, or rather, tasting just like corn breading. Which would mean not much. I cannot remember what else came other than the Goat's curd, but even that disappointed a bit - I have yet to experience a goat's cheese that has made me utter myself sweet nothings like that sampled at a Wine Bar in Sorrento. In all, a bit bland. Meh
• Octopus - Probably the most disappointing of the starters, and not ordered by me, so, I can lay on blame willy nilly. The octopus was a bit overcooked, meaning it was essentially octopus flavoured mush, and bland in isolation. Combined with the fennel and others it provided a subtle hint of aniseed. Otherwise relatively fine, just, bland. 

~ Main Course ~
- Norfolk White Free Range Chicken, Miso, Peach, Ginger

A last ditch attempt at ordering something out of the normal, almost preferable to self-immolation - I generally avoid chicken as it is as interesting as paper. Unless deep-fried. And there was no sign of the Al Baik Chicken. Nevertheless, it has been a while since I had ordered chicken, and it was otherwise the most interesting "sounding" dish. And obviously this one was one of the Incredible Hulks' personal pets. With a breast this size, the animal must have at least been as big as a cow. This may trouble my attempt to leave space for dessert. Bah. I promptly ploughed in to the monstrosity. A lovely char surrounded it - I'm one of the strange individuals that cherishes the char, it is my favourite part of anything grilled. Carbon. YUM. Extremely moist [teehee] meat as well, but chicken is chicken, so still as interesting as paper. Grey paper. The sauce however, was delightful. Quite.


Predominantly peachy, a discovery I made at the same time as discovering that water was indeed, wet. Rather sweet as well, almost like a jam. Hmm..Combined itself well with the smokiness of the charred chicken, and generally cutting through the rich meat. It just lacked much else really. Nice, just not memorable. Other than for out-sizing me.



~ Dessert ~
- Pistachio, Vanilla & Olive Oil Cake, Vanilla Ice Cream
















O.M.F.G














This was. All kinds of epic. I went into a pleasure paralysis for a few short moments [realising that said inactivity was denying me of dessert]. This was fabulousth! Such a rich cake, but not by dint of sweetness, it was just, rich! The olive oil permeates through the cake just giving a delectable rich taste, which could not go any better with the pistachios. The vanilla ice-cream just added to it. ARGH. Very lightly sweet, it cut the richness of the cake adding the right amount creaminess and nom. Even when the ice-cream melted and the olive oil trickled, the combination was sublime. Jeebus, this was incredible, and chosen on a quick glance at a suggestion on one of the review sites. That person should be sainted. The cake was so incredibly life-affirming that I have no recollection whatsoever of the dessert wine, or espresso. Or much else.

I need this wholesale. NAO. 


~ Drinks ~
- Some White Wine
- Some Dessert Wine
- Espresso

Selecting the wine at random, or rather at the waitresses suggestion for having nary a clue as to what was being provided and how it combined with the food, I have no recollection of what was ordered. The dinner wine was essentially made of cask - it was cask in liquid form. That is to say, to the nose it almost had the aroma of whiskey, with prominent woody tastes. After a while when enough was consumed, I was quite aware of this. Probably lent itself to the charred chicken ^_^.

With regards to the dessert wine and espresso, refer to the above - I was in a flash-coma from the Olive Oil cake, to the point that I had a memory void of anything not pertaining to the cake. I was, of the cake.

~~~~

...And then the Bill came. Hold on. This, was actually quite reasonable, considering that deceitful fiend of a waitress fooled us into ordering starters for a small nation. Everything about the meal, was a pleasant experience, especially so with the price not administering us a gentle "FU" for the privilege. Beyond factors that matter little, like the austere ambience, the unassuming to the point of being anonymous enough to not even have a visible name anywhere front room, and the table of Americans trying to communicate with Mars, everything was a general pleasure. Especially as stomach was quite satiated.

Portions, were copious as stated, befit for a country, not individuals, and all the while the presentation was meticulous and as a whole, everything tasted excellent. There were a couple of disappointments but even then only because there is so much you can expect from the core ingredients. The fact that in combination, despite the sometimes eccentric descriptions, everything was thoroughly well balanced was quite appealing. As evidenced by the fact that absolutely nothing was left. I think a plate may have been eaten too. Service was excellent as well, with plenty of suggestions, and understanding of our gluttony. And then there was the cake. JEE-BUS.







Ok, I have collected myself. Even George's dessert of some Ecuadorian chocolate farmed from a single cow on a desolate mountain field was sublime. There was no actual grounds for complaint. Barring those infernal Americans.

So, really, Hyundai Galloper? 


I guess it sounds similar to the restaurant name. ^_^
















And you'd never see one in this area of London - much as how despite the location, Galoupet provided a thoroughly unpretentious meal despite the eclectic dishes, combining a variety of different flavours that most of the cases combined really well rather than in separation, almost exaggerated portions [much to our delight] and a thoroughly reasonable price for what was consumed. Not that you could say that Hyundai is a mark of any real pretensions. Seriously though, GALLOPER?! 


Meh, I guess it beats the noisy crickets typically traipsing through my mind. 

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Eternal/Infernal Leftovers.

Three weeks in to consuming the leftovers. And I've managed to plan every meal to finish them, lasting up till the first week of August. Yeah. Rly. So, a breakdown of the perpetual leftovers!

1.














What: Lentil Shepherd's Pie
Ingredient Salvaged: Sheep [Lentils]
Outcome: Not terrible - not much substance from the lentils themselves, but the buttery [I used little!] mashed sweet potato topping is quite delectable, and the fact I was too lazy to cut the "sofritto" finer means there's some nice texture. Too much tomato paste.



2.














What: Smoked Mackerel Quiche
Ingredient Salvaged: 1 year old+ Smoked Mackerel
Outcome: Sweet. Oddly. Possibly a honey cure in the mackerel then, but quite nice and combines very well with the leek in the quiche, whereas the peas and capers are largely decorative. Quite enjoyable, though my heart cries, despite my tongues elation with the buttery shortcrust pastry. Very short.




3.














What: Smoked Mackerel Tart
Ingredient Salvaged: Same 1 year old+ Smoked Mackerel
Outcome: Essentially identical to above, just a different shape and less fillings. I think perhaps sweeter still with the addition of the Jarlsberg cheese in the egg "filler". Likewise, the shortcrust pastry is lovely but bad mkay.




4. [Eated it]

What: Apple & Blackberry Crumble
Ingredient Salvaged: Apple Sauce, Blackberries, leftover Crumble Topping
Outcome: Some apprehension was natural as I tossed in the blackberries, some with a light dusting of mould, into the ramekins but overall they came out as per usual, seeing as barring the typical ingredients of a crumble, I merely added the blackberries, a splash of Vin Santo and a couple of cloves. And it did not taste of Stilton. Cloves kind of add an interesting touch, not so much infusing flavouring than announcing itself quite rudely,"OH HAI, I'M HERE!" as you chew into an errant pod. Worked well with the mascarpone cream. Very lazy one, as everything was essentially laid out.





5.

What: Apple Charlotte
Ingredient Salvaged: Moar Apple Sauce
Outcome: Baked in a flower pot. And mood set. But it's not terrible - rather boring, yes, but not terrible. Just apple sauce and buttered Vogel Linseed bread [Vogel wins at bread, that is all]. Using some Low Fat Custard with it to add a semblance of interest.

6.















What: Bread & Butter Pudding
Ingredient Salvaged: Mountains of leftover bread scraps from the Apple Charlotte
Outcome: Quite frankly. The most boring thing ever. Almost entirely my fault, as, I only realised I omitted to include anything other than bread. And butter. After it had done baking. What little sugar I did add, and the couple of sultanas coupled with the egg-based binder made little difference. However, add in the pineapple ice-cream I made previously. REDEMPTION! Works quite well with what spices I added as well as the sultanas. Otherwise, still bland.

7.

What: Torta Amalfitana
Ingredient Salvaged: Pears & Ricotta
Outcome: If this summary were to be based on the conformity to the original recipe, it would be the abomination of abominations. As obviously when a recipe asks for the addition of an Italian Meringue, and to set the mixture with Agar Agar jelly, and you end up adding raw egg white and raw strands of Agar Agar, something has gone awry. So it tastes, well. Bland really. However, I find it very hard to stop scrounging away at it. Despite the errant chewy Agar Agar strands. The far too small meringue discs meant to form the top and base of the cake are also amusing, as they are essentially half the size of the tin used >_<.

8.

What: Baked Cheesecake
Ingredient Salvaged: Pears & Mascarpone
Outcome: Took about a year to make, the entire process completely blind, death, mute, clueless. Quite moreish though. My arteries hardened from just watching the amount of clarified fat floating on the surface during the baking, but the taste is nowhere near as decadent - eggier than it is creamy. Disaster was semi-averted in the making of too little pastry, though it was oddly sticky. Said salvation was partly thwarted by the addition of the pears, releasing moisture and thus making the pastry a sponge. Not cheesy enough.

And with these eight. I'm done. Christmas is too near to keep making guilt food >_>

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[Restaurant - French] Not Much Richoux(er) for the Experience; Cafe Richoux of Mayfair

Location - Mayfair, London [UK]

Routines are a bit of a paradox - usually instated into habit to add order to particular processes, it is at once also a source of monotonous, repetitive, boring rigidity of character. And despite having just slept off a rather nice, lightly inebriated slumber [no doubt the alcohol helping the slumber], the rigours of my usual routine failed to leave me. Or rather, I refused to abandon them. Despite not being at my own home, and slept in the waking hours of the morning after an evening out, I still awoke at 7am. And set to unpack my packaged breakfast. Which introduced a minor dilemma in and of itself, as by the time my hosts would creep out of their hibernation I'll already be ready to lunch to their breakfast. Ergo, get to eat more. Win win ^_^.


So it began, several hours after my breakfast, they, had crawled out of bed, with me ready to dig in to my pre-packaged pre-lunch snack, and them wanting to gorge the world to stifle the armada of Vodkageddon. I was just getting hungrier, as they now denied me a snack. Dessert had better be copious. So, where to eat? Obviously, I had nary a clue or care, being a London-infedel and getting increasingly hungry. The other two were busy imposing their right of opinion with delightful infernal squabbling as I've often found typical of couples, at such an ideal time. I.e. During my hunger. I may just have to eat them. Not wishing to get involved in the Menage a Myfoodisgetting-Froid, and never having a suggestion beyond the complete saturation of my stomach cavity, Cafe' Richoux was decided. If such facetious values as the ring of a name could influence a premonition of an experience, this at least "sounded" like it could quench my perpetual hunger. That and the only other suggestion was a place we had tried before, and eating at the same place twice is so unfashionable. So onwards we travelled, seemingly to a suburb in Bangladesh. It was far-ish is the inference, not that it was underwater. And after observing the fact that I would have to spend £16 just for parking, the importance of this meal was immediately heightened. Make me forget about the extortion, or the parking attendant gets eaten.

Walking into the restaurant, a cruel trick of fate was thrust upon me. The pastry and desserts counter. It stopped me dead in my tracks. How many desserts did I have last night? BAH. Don't care, I'll have them all. It's their fault for not labelling them anyway. My appetite was quite voracious at this point, so, table located, sat down, menu nao. Oh dear. My hopes and dreams and decadent and creamy French indulgence at this time of morning were quickly dashed, with the blancmange assortment of "drybreeze" meals seeming as Francophone as ordering "Le Bigmac". Cafe' Rouge for all its mainstream proliferation still manages not to dilute their image to quite this level. Nevermind. There's a desserts counter to devour to keep me elated at the diabetic limb-dropping. My victims were chosen, with foresight to the desserts for I feared the starter and mains would not suffice, and were ordered amidst giggles from my eating partners. And the waitress. Hmm. Odd. Moseying on. Obviously I was unaware of something, but, I'd just eat my way through it. And despite much overstatement of mass exodus levels of famine, they would only order salmon and eggs. Oh, and afternoon tea. Obviously anorexia is very 2011. Or rather, not being "allowed" to order as per normal in front of a particularly imposing other-half [or surely anti-matter, I rarely see them as a positive "addition" O_o], making me seem rightfully, but an isolated piggy little eater. Meh.

~ Starter ~

- Grilled Goat's Cheese on Toast with Caramelised Onions & Tomatoes

As soon as the starter arrived, I was abruptly aware of the source of the giggling. I've basically been given the cheese equivalent of an entire goat's yield of milk. Wow. Err. So, I've got mains to complete as well after this apartment block of cheese. Ah well! I was present with two [and a half!] huge discs of cheese atop a mountain of caramelised onions and tomatoes, topped with some sort of pesto. And whilst not knocking me into a pleasure coma, it certainly shut my vocal perpetually pessimistic inner monologue. The goat's cheese was not too salty, worked nicely with the pesto and was refreshed by the onions. There was just so much of it. Not that you could ever have too much goat's cheese. Clogged arteries be damned, it's a London thing, like all the roads leading into London.

However, what this ludicrously-sized started did place into stark reality. Just what monster is going to be served up next?!

~ Main Course ~

- Fish Cakes with Spinach & French Fries 

I received my answer not long after. Holy. Jeebus. The one fishcake already looked like a pancake. However these sadists decided to offer two. With a mountain - I do exaggerate, but this one had a snowy peak - of spinach, and a deluge of sinful "French" Fries. This is not to complain though, it just means that I would have a bit a week's worth of leftovers from this lunch alone to finish off back at home. Less effort for me then, and silver lining re-established! 

Spinach was boiled, fries are fries. Only so much can be embellished, and my fingers tire easily. The fish cakes however. Were disappointing. On many fronts. Primarily though, they were misleading, but I guess calling them "Primarily potatocakeswithacoupleofpiecesoffish Cakes" is not as appealing. I don't know, sounds kind of eclectic. Nevertheless, when there is evidently only a couple of pieces of salmon and I think haddock amongst the remaining frisbee of potato, I think their pants or on fire. Or it's a glaring sign of cost cutting. And overcooking it just meant it had no texture. London fog has more texture. It was also under-seasoned, though the occasional caper did liven it up somewhat. Thankfully it was copious, and the remaining one would easily supplement lunch. For a year. As would the fries on my general potato embargo. And despite the volume, the dessert cravings had already begun..

And rightfully so, as the afternoon tea for two [I was excluded </3] included chosen pastries. How very dare they. Barbarians.

~ Dessert ~
- Almond "Stick"

- Nibbles from the Afternoon Tea

No. The dessert was not chosen for its alluring name. I was not aware of its name. Neither was the person at the counter. Helpful. But it was also the least recognisable, largest, but looked the lightest hearted/least likely to lead to further food/face interfacing by dint of being as large my arm. Almond "Fallen Tree" would have been a more adept description. At least there is SOME cohesive theme in this place. I was almost distraught at the selection displayed though, my heart said to order them all and to hell with its demise. I'm not sure what was saying no, but I don't much care for its voice.

So it was brought over. In all its coniferous majesty. And it was quite possibly the most annoying thing to eat - too friable to cut with a knife, too gargantuan to just eat. Well, with a modicum of decorum at least. I then stopped being a girl and carried forth. Not a very home-made almond infusion, but light and not sickly enough to be pleasant, and a very light pastry. The powdered sugar as well did not weigh down the whole pastry, and when some clotted cream from the tea tray was added it just supplemented it further. It was quite moreish. Made the more obvious that I ate the entire California Redwood's worth. I did not stop there either - Mr. & Mrs. Kate Moss were heaving and puffing over the abomination of the quantity of air they had ingested, so I lunged forth on a couple of the scones. They were not scones.

At all. They were buns. A wretched lie. Still, baked goods, yum. Just, really not what they were supposed to be. The fruit cake served with their tea was quite reasonable though, not that I can much remember it. 

~ Drinks ~
- Espresso

Further supplementing the fact that Cafe' Richoux is indeed Le McDonald's in Disguise not a terribly authentic French experience, not that it was not glaringly obvious by the offerings of Pasta, Burgers and so on, was the fact that the espresso was terrible. French Roasts are black as my heart, this was essentially coffee flavoured water. Served in a rather large mug, despite being a "single". Do I get a pitcher for a double?

~~~~

Much contradictory to my obvious heart'ing of this place, not a terrible experience. Well, it was not even supposed to be an experience - only so much expectation can be created when resting your laurels on the "ring" of a name. It was just a quiet lunch. And I felt like a taxidermy experiment at the end of it. Criticism certainly cannot be laid on portion sizes, as they generally slapped me upside the head, much to my delight. However, I did leave feeling a tinge of being cheated; obviously a lot of effort had gone into creating a certain atmosphere, which was not supported by the confused menu and lack of substance to the food. The reasonable price of the ordeal possibly substantiated this, considering the area.

Nothing was authentic, and as such, I'm not richer for this experience. Well, actually, having not paid, maybe I am ^_^.

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